Monday, October 16, 2006

If it's too crazy you're too old.

Ok, so I went to the Social D show Saturday night at ye olde Starland Ballroom. I took my mohawked, guitar-playing, 13 year old son Nick who pretty much likes anything that rocks.

Now at ye olde Starland you can pay an extra $10 (I think) for "Star Parking". That gets you parking that's closer to the door and easier to get out of the lot when the show's over. You also get to go in a seperate door, so you don't have to wait on line to get in and they open this door earlier than the main one.

So Nick had been saying he wanted to try and get up front for the show. Now he's almost 14, but he's still only about 4'9". I said ok, but let's get out of there if it's too crazy. I figured Social D, maybe the crowd is older and a little less crazy, so let's give it a shot.

So we get in the place and there's no one up by the barrier in front of the stage! So we decide to grab a fine piece of fence just to the left of dead center.

Opener was Backpool Lights. They were decent, but a little boring I thought. nothing that grabs you and make you want to jump around.

After that came the Supersuckers. Now I've heard their name for years, but never got to hear their music or see them live. But these guys fucking rocked! Kind of classic rock mixed with punk with a dash of country twang. Insanely good.

Nick and I were rocking out, it was great. The guitarist was soloing litteraly inches in front of us. Nick watched every riff with great intensity (Being a riffologist himself). The guitar player was ripping out blues rock solos that made your arm hairs stand up. And the whole time he was wailing on his Les Paul Tv, he was chewing bubble gum and blowing bubbles.

About mid way through their set, the guitar player came over to where we were and handed Nick something. I thought it was a pick. But it was a piece of gum. Wrapped of course. I told Nick that it probably had special riffmaster powers.

If you get a chance, go see the Supersuckers live, they're a good time party band.

Then out came Social D. It was insane seeing Mike Ness, one foot in front of me ripping through Highway 101, Reach For The Sky and Mommy's Little Monster. But the crowd started to get violent. There was a lot of moshing and pushing and I was worried Nick was gonna get crushed. Plus I was already getting crushed and kicked in the head by the crowd surffers. Did you ever notice that the crowd surfers are never 100 lb girls, thy're always 200 lb guys?

I was drenched in sweat and trying to keep my body behind Nick. I was losing my grip on the barrier and called the security guy over to take Nick over the barrier. I barreled my way through the crowd over to the side and took a few deep breaths.

Now I know I'm too old for the pit. I used to hold my own back in the day. But the pit is for the kids, like Trix. I'll be watching all future shows from the side, with the rest of the old guys.

Good times! and I discovered a "New" band to put in my heavy rotation!

Friday, October 13, 2006

Social Distortion

YES! I'm going to see Social D tomorrow night at the Starland Ballroom!

Now THAT'S Rock!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

A Confession

Ok, I admit it. I'm not human, I'm a cat.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

A Fitting Farewell

To celebrate the closing of the "legendary" New York City club CBGB, the following farewell shows will be taking place:

10/9 - BAD BRAINS, AVAIL, DUB TRIO (sold out)

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Hello Pot? This is Kettle.

SLAYER frontman TOM ARAYA has hit out at violent video games, and fears they will turn today's children in to dangerous criminals.

The 45-year-old thrash rocker, whose band's song lyrics include "die by my hand in pools of blood", refuses to discuss how violence in music affects children - but highlights computer games as a genuine danger to kids. He says, "Kids have become so desensitised to violence, you know? I saw this video game recently where the point was to sell drugs and kill as many people as possible.

"You've got to wonder what a child who plays that is going to be like in 20 years' time."

Monday, August 07, 2006

8 Things I Learned At Warped Tour

1. I'm old, really old.
2. A lot of the best new bands are from NJ.
3. The bands from NJ were all happy to be back in the Garden State, because evidently pizza sucks everywhere else.
4. Having the audience making the world's "Largest Mother Fucking Circle Pit" is very important to today's bands.
5. Kids like to heave empty water and Gatorade bottles into the crowd.
6. It is possible to ROCK at 11:00 am.
7. The Bouncing Souls (another Jersey band) should be much more famous.
8. If you forget to put on sun screen and spend all day in the sun listening to rock bands, you'll look like an oompa loompa at work the next day.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

I'm Busy, But Here's a Joke

Q: What's Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Tara Reid's favorite holiday?

A: Skanksgiving!


Thursday, July 27, 2006

I HATE Being Human

What the fuck is wrong with people? Wars go on constantly over who's magical-guy-in-the-sky rules. We blow the shit out of people for oil. We ignore genocide in Africa. That's all ok.

So let me get this straight, every woman has breasts. They fed many of us when we were widdle babies. And since a few guys can't control their boners when the see some breast flesh...women have to be ashamed to breast feed?

It's the same reason women in certain countries have to be covered from head to their men don't get tempted. Control yourselves you fucking animals.

I hate you all. Except for you blog readers...and maybe my family...and maybe the people I hang out with...and maybe my mailman...but the rest of you can go fuck yourselves!

'Breast' Cover Gets Mixed Reaction

By JOCELYN NOVECK, AP National Writer

(07-27) 13:47 PDT New York (AP) --

"I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine," one person wrote. "I immediately turned the magazine face down," wrote another. "Gross," said a third.

These readers weren't complaining about a sexually explicit cover, but rather one of a baby nursing, on a wholesome parenting magazine — yet another sign that Americans are squeamish over the sight of a nursing breast, even as breast-feeding itself gains greater support from the government and medical community.

Babytalk is a free magazine whose readership is overwhelmingly mothers of babies. Yet in a poll of more than 4,000 readers, a quarter of responses to the cover were negative, calling the photo — a baby and part of a woman's breast, in profile — inappropriate.

One mother who didn't like the cover explains she was concerned about her 13-year-old son seeing it.

"I shredded it," said Gayle Ash, of Belton, Texas, in a telephone interview. "A breast is a breast — it's a sexual thing. He didn't need to see that."

It's the same reason that Ash, 41, who nursed all three of her children, is cautious about breast-feeding in public — a subject of enormous debate among women, which has even spawned a new term: "lactivists," meaning those who advocate for a woman's right to nurse wherever she needs to.

"I'm totally supportive of it — I just don't like the flashing," she says. "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see."

Another mother, Kelly Wheatley, wrote Babytalk to applaud the cover, precisely because, she says, it helps educate people that breasts are more than sex objects. And yet Wheatley, 40, who's still nursing her 3-year-old daughter, rarely breast-feeds in public, partly because it's more comfortable in the car, and partly because her husband is uncomfortable with other men seeing her breast.

"Men are very visual," says Wheatley, 40, of Amarillo, Texas. "When they see a woman's breast, they see a breast — regardless of what it's being used for."

Babytalk editor Susan Kane says the mixed response to the cover clearly echoes the larger debate over breast-feeding in public. "There's a huge Puritanical streak in Americans," she says, "and there's a squeamishness about seeing a body part — even part of a body part."

"It's not like women are whipping them out with tassels on them!" she adds. "Mostly, they are trying to be discreet."

Kane says that since the August issue came out last week, the magazine has received more than 700 letters — more than for any article in years.

"Gross, I am sick of seeing a baby attached to a boob," wrote Lauren, a mother of a 4-month-old.

The evidence of public discomfort isn't just anecdotal. In a survey published in 2004 by the American Dietetic Association, less than half — 43 percent — of 3,719 respondents said women should have the right to breast-feed in public places.

The debate rages at a time when the celebrity-mom phenomenon has made breast-feeding perhaps more public than ever. Gwyneth Paltrow, Brooke Shields, Kate Hudson and Kate Beckinsale are only a few of the stars who've talked openly about their nursing experiences.

The celeb factor has even brought a measure of chic to that unsexiest of garments: the nursing bra. Gwen Stefani can be seen on — a site with a self-explanatory name — sporting a leopard-print version from lingerie line Agent Provocateur. And none other than Angelina Jolie wore one proudly on the cover of People. (Katie Holmes, meanwhile, suffered a maternity wardrobe malfunction when cameras caught her, nursing bra open and peeking out of her shirt, while on the town with husband Tom Cruise.)

More seriously, the social and medical debate has intensified. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recently concluded a two-year breast-feeding awareness campaign including a TV ad — criticized as over-the-top even by some breast-feeding advocates — in which NOT breast-feeding was equated with the recklessness of a pregnant woman riding a mechanical bull.

There have been other measures to promote breast-feeding: in December, for example, Massachusetts banned hospitals from giving new mothers gift bags with free infant formula, a practice opponents said swayed some women away from nursing.

Most states now have laws guaranteeing the right to breast-feed where one chooses, and when a store or restaurant employee denies a woman that right, it has often resulted in public protests known as "nurse-ins": at a Starbucks in Miami, at Victoria's Secret stores in Racine, Wis. and Boston, and, last year, outside ABC headquarters in New York, when Barbara Walters made comments on "The View" seen by some women to denigrate breast-feeding in public.

"It's a new age," says Melinda Johnson, a registered dietician and spokesperson for ADA. "With the government really getting behind breast-feeding, it's been a jumping-off point for mothers to be politically active. Mommies are organizing. It's a new trend to be a mommy activist."

Ultimately, it seems to be a highly personal matter. Caly Wood says she's "all for breast-feeding in public." She recalls with a shudder the time she sat nursing in a restaurant booth, and another woman walked by, glanced over and said, "Ugh, gross."

"My kid needed to eat," says the 29-year-old from South Abingdon, Mass. And she wasn't going to go hide in a not-so-clean restroom: "I don't send people to the bathroom when THEY want to eat," she says.

But Rebekah Kreutz thinks differently. One of six women who author SisterhoodSix, a blog on mothering issues, Kreutz didn't nurse her two daughters in public, and doesn't really feel comfortable seeing others do it.

"I respect it and think women have the right," says Kreutz, 34, of Bozeman, Mont. "But personally, it makes me really uncomfortable."

"I just think it's one of those moments that should stay between a mother and her child."

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Do you have to be wierd to be creative?

I guess you do. That's why I'll never be a rockstar. I'm not wierd enough. I'm just barely this side of normal.

I love Weezer. It's a shame that Rivers seems to drift through. I bet a lot of great songs will never be heard.

Oh well. There are tons of bands on Warped tour (Which I'm going to Aug 6) who would kill to be able to have the success that Rivers has. Newer bands, for the most part, try harder.

Here's the story from FMQB:

Now that's he's a married, Harvard graduate, what does the immediate future hold for Weezer main man Rivers Cuomo? Not the band that he has fronted for over a decade. Speaking to, Cuomo says, "All this year, I've been feeling pretty creative and excited, so I've been writing a lot. I don't know what'll happen with these songs — if anything — I just sort of write them and I can't stop. I certainly don't see them becoming Weezer songs, and I don't really see the point of a solo career. So we'll just have to see."

Cuomo says that he is still in touch with his bandmates, all of whom were in his wedding party last month, but they aren't talking about making new music together currently. He told, "the band is all back in Los Angeles, and I sometimes I speak with [drummer] Patrick [Wilson], and I occasionally e-mail with [guitarist] Brian [Bell] and [bassist] Scott [Shriner], but we've never mentioned getting together. Really, for the moment, we are done. And I'm not certain we'll ever make a record again, unless it becomes really obvious to me that we need to do one."

If the band is truly through (and they have taken long breaks before, notably their post-Pinkerton hiatus in the late '90s), is the requisite greatest-hits CD on the way? "It's being discussed with the record company right now, but we have to sign off before they can do anything. And to be honest, we don't all see eye-to-eye on it," he said. "I'm not convinced that we have a greatest-hits album that is worth putting out at this point," he added. "I'd like to include two more amazing songs on there. And anything else would just seem lazy to me. We'll see, though. I don't really feel comfortable with it now."

Friday, July 07, 2006

These Guys Are Excited That It's Friday. Are You?

I am. For three reasons.

1) I have half day Fridays during the summer. That means I'm out of this bitch at 12:30!
2) Me, Angel & Steve are off to the bad side of Jersey tonight for a full night of manly debauchery.
3) Poker game at my house tomorrow night.

Have a good weekend kiddies. Listen to some new music or go see an unsigned band or support your local non-chain music store if you have one.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Why Do Women Think This Looks Good?

It doesn't. It's repulsive. Eat a sammich.

You have a pretty face Actress chick. But I don't want to sleep with skeletor.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Crazy Like A Father

Son, right now you're just a little crazy. When you get big you can be super crazy with many intricate stripes like me.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

How Do You Get A Monkey To Quit Smoking? Beer Of Course.

A 26-year-old chimpanzee enjoys a cigarette at the zoo in Xian, China. Xiku the chain-smoking chimpanzee has almost kicked his deadly habit thanks to the efforts of zoo keepers in China, but it has taken a beer or two to help get him through detox.

Friday, June 23, 2006

World Cup Update

Someone told me there were soccer games being played...Really? I though the World Cup was all about hot chicks with a lot of national spirit.

Happy Friday to all! Here's to a weekend of drunken girls with national spirit!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Don't Let The UN Take Your Guns!

redneck fuckers
Next thing you know they'll want your trailer too!

Yeeee Haaaaa!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

My New Favorite Web Site

I know I've posted this two or three times before, but Overheard In New York is fucking hillarious. Everyday I get at least two or three chuckles out of it. Like this gem:

Time for New Friends

Girl #1: How much does he want?
Girl #2: Ten dollars.
Girl #1 to gypsy cab: Fuck you! I'd rather drag my friend home on her face than pay you ten dollars!

--Union Square East

Monday, June 19, 2006

Homeless Screech

Screech is gonna be homeless. Thanks to Indy for the heads up.

Here's a tasty morsel of whining from his site:

"Tell Arthur Giraldo that I just got served and was told that he hadn't contacted the holder of the land contract for over a month, never sent any papers over and as such, I am losing my house. If he doesn't call me back I'll go to Howard Stern and tell the world (New York especially) how he does business. Let's face it, if he can't find the time to work on a mortgage for a famous celebrity, how will he handle the average person?"

Wow. He ought to see a doctor, cause Screech is fucking delusional.

How about you get off your ass and get a job at Walmart or a gas station or anywhere and pay your bills like normal people, instead of begging on the internet? Your one step above a guy who sits at the subway entrance and begs for change.

Boo Hoo.

I never liked you Screech, now I hate you.

More World Cup Goodness

Are all the Sweedish soccer fans hot and horny? That's what I've learned about world cup.

Here are some Facts:

*Pearl Jam Rock live. 6 guys, 3 hour shows, a different set list every night, arenas packed to the rafters and a rocking new album.

*Soccer is more boring than golf. The US didn't even score the goal against Italy, the Itallians knocked it in themselves.

*In the next six months my life will be changing dramatically. That's all I can say for now.

*I am now old. During my last trip to CVS I purchased a knee brace and reading glasses.

Here are some Myths:

*George Bush is actually running the country.

*I am a good poker player.

*I am a good guitar player.

*Pot lowers your sperm count.

Monday, June 12, 2006

She's Almost Hot Enough To Make Me Care About The World Cup

Seriously. Soccer's more boring than golf.

A friend of mine said "Soccer's not a sport. It's an activity."

Happy Monday Kids!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Cunt of the Month

Super Cunty
Ann Coulter. I hated her before. Now I super-hate her. What a cunt. She should be fucked up the ass by a herd of wild donkeys.

From The NY Daily News:

When their husbands were killed on 9/11, four New Jersey widows tried to find out why - and now no-holds-barred conservative pundit Ann Coulter is mercilessly denouncing them as "witches."

"I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much," Coulter writes in her new book.

Her brutal words were challenged yesterday on national television by "Today" host Matt Lauer - and she was slammed by the widows she derided as self-absorbed, limelight-seeking "harpies."

"I'd like her to meet my daughter and tell her how anyone could enjoy their father's death," said Kristen Breitweiser, one of four widows known as the "Jersey Girls."

"She sounds like a very disturbed, unraveled person," added Breitweiser.

In "Godless: The Church of Liberalism," the uncompromisingly right-wing Coulter writes the Jersey Girls have no right to criticize President Bush or any of the failures that led to the terror attacks.

"These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis," Coulter writes.

"And by the way, how do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they'd better hurry up and appear in Playboy. . .

"These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them."

Breitweiser, Lorie Van Auken, Mindy Kleinberg and Patty Casazza bonded after their husbands died on 9/11, leaving them with seven children and a desire for answers.

They pushed to create the 9/11 commission, which put out a scathing report criticizing the Clinton and Bush administrations for not taking the terrorist threat more seriously - and found New York's emergency response system wasn't prepared for a serious attack.

"Our ports have not been secured. Our borders have not been secured. We still haven't caught [Osama] Bin Laden," Van Auken said yesterday. "She's not even talking about what we were talking about. She's just attacking."

The Jersey Girls - or, as Coulter calls them, "the Witches of East Brunswick" - have been criticized before, but never like this. Van Auken told the Daily News she was stunned by the vitriol.

"Having my husband burn alive in a building brought me no joy," she said. "Watching it unfold on national TV and .seeing it repeated endlessly was beyond what I could describe. Telling my children they would never see their father again was not fun. And we had no plans to divorce."

When Lauer grilled Coulter about the book, she yelled at him so harshly that gasps echoed through Rockefeller Center - and then she made a wisecrack about CBS-bound former host Katie Couric.

"If you lose a husband, you no longer have the right to have a political point of view?" Lauer asked.

As the exchange grew tense, Coulter said, "Look, you're getting testy with me."

She later added: "Hey, where's Katie? Did she leave or something?"

Last night, Coulter didn't back down from bashing the 9/11 widows. "These women got paid. They ought to take their money and shut up about it," Coulter said on MSNBC's "The Situation with Tucker Carlson."

Coulter made headlines in the past when she called for blowing up The New York Times Building, advocated forcing Muslims to become Christians and wrote an entire book that said every American liberal is guilty of treason.

Her controversial writings have made her a best-selling .author and syndicated columnist and put her on the cover of Time magazine. She's made big bucks in the process, buying a $1.5 million condo on the upper East Side.

Politicians of both parties denounced Coulter's comments.

"It's totally inhumane to be saying things like this about people who went through such agony," said Rep. Pete King (R-L.I.).

"It seems that she's just full of anger and hate," said Rep. Carolyn Maloney (D-Manhattan), who held a news conference yesterday with relatives of 9/11 victims on the country's failure to improve security.

"Like an insecure child, it's always been clear that Ann Coulter is prepared to do anything to get attention," added Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-Brooklyn, Queens). "This is a new low."

Friday, May 26, 2006

I'm out bitches!

I'm taking the next week off work. That means no posts and witty insight for you interweb friends of mine. I know, it sucks...there there. Don't cry.

I'm going to be going to rock shows and playing poker and sleeping late.

Anyway as a bon voyage treat here's something fun about everybody's favorite world's oldest pop star. Directly lifted from Heckler Spray

Jesus ‘Not Mad’ At Madonna For Crucifixion Stunt

There were three very distinct reactions when Madonna wheeled out her giant glittery cross, put on a thorny hat and crucified herself during a concert on her tour earlier this week.

Christian groups got all angry at Madonna for seemingly taking the piss out of Jesus during the show, while the majority of sensible people saw it as a welcome respite - it is, after all, the first Madonna publicity stunt for ages that didn't involve seeing an old lady rolling about the floor with her fanny hanging out. But what did Jesus think of Madonna's stunt?

He's OK with it, apparently, and not mad at Madonna at all. That's according to Madonna, at least.

Madonna is a woman fully in control of her public image. She knows that when she falls off a horse, horsey groups will be outraged. She knows that when she marries a fat mockney who couldn't direct traffic, she'll look more creative and brilliant and more in control, and she knows that when she has a hernia operation, everyone will realise how old she is and feel vaguely repulsed every time she come on TV wearing her gynotard. OK, maybe not that last one.

So of course Madonna knew that by singing a song while being crucified on her tour, all sorts of religious groups would flip their wigs in an explosion of outrage, before turning the other cheek like good Christians. Already, various churchy leaders have described Madonna's stunt as "dangerous," "an abuse," and "offensive". But it's OK, Madonna says, because Jesus has given it his go-ahead:

"I don't think Jesus would be mad at me and the message I'm trying to send. Jesus taught we should love thy neighbour."

Quite what loving thy neighbour has got to do with a middle-aged woman singing a rubbish song on a cross is beyond us, but we haven't really read The Bible in a while. And the message that Madonna was sending probably wasn't what you thought - a kind of "Look at me! I'm still as famous as I used to be, honest! Don't make me get my minge out again!" message, but an appeal to encourage the audience to donate to Aids charities.

Apparently, while Madonna was singing on the cross, images of poverty were shown on giant screens accompanied by some ticking numbers to represent the 12 million African Aids orphans. But the fact that the 'message' needs to be explicitly explained, while Madonna monging about on a giant cross doesn't probably gives some idea of how effective it is.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

4 Concerts in 15 Days

I'm seeing 4 shows in 15 days. It all started on Saturday May 20th at the Hammerstein Ballroom in NYC. I took my 13 year old son and his friend to see Avenged Sevenfold (These guys^^) and Coheed and Cambria.

It was loud. I wore ear plugs. I know, I'm old. Both bands and the opener 18 Visions rocked pretty hard. A lot of loud guitars, decent songs, but not my particular cup of tea.

The audience was 80% highschool kids, 19% college kids, and 1% dads. I was trying to aviod being sucked into the crowd of sweaty high school boys by standing at the back of the floor near the stairs where you would go to get backstage.

This one kid comes over to the stairs and talks to the security guard. He obviously was looking for the bathroom and was obviously wasted. The guard pointed to the other stairs where the bathrooms were. The kid put his hand over his mouth and then spewed all over the stairs. Every person who came out of backstage from that point on had to step in puke. Glad I wasn't backstage for this one.

Next up is Bullet For My Valentine at Starland Ballroom on Sunday the 28th. Another show for my son and a friend. Starland is a small club here in Jersey that gets national acts. I think it's about 1,500 capacity, very small. Gonna need the ear plugs for this one too.

Then June 1st and 3rd it's Pearl Jam at the Meadowlands. That's more my speed. They rock and are one of those bands who are a million times better live than they are on record. Plus they do long shows and they always chnge their set list from night to night. Usually they do at least two encores of about 5-6 songs each. I can't wait because their new album rocks.

Social Distortion has announced soem tour dates for this summer, hopefully they'll make an east coast swing so I can catch them.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I smell anorexia.

Punk girl #1: You know what I smell whenever I pass by this store?
Punk girl #2: Heh, what?
Punk girl #1: Anorexia.

--In front of Abercrombie, 5th Ave

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Somehow I Don't Think So

Martha Stewart listens to her own channel on Sirius. Ok.

Martha Stewart listens to NPR on Sirius. Ok.

Martha Stewart listens to BBC news on Sirius. Ok.

Martha Stewart listens to Bloomberg on Sirius. Ok.

Martha Stewart rolls with the homies on Shade 45 on Sirius, Eminem's channel where it's all hip hop all the time. I don't think so.

Although how cool would it be to see her smoking a giant spliff and rolling down the streeet in a big Cadilac convirtible with Snoop listening to Gin And Juice?

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Overheard in NYC

This site is full of whacky stuff overheard on the streets of NYC check it out.

Here are some samples:

Man: Have you ever heard a man call his penis a gonzo?
Girl: No, but my boyfriend used to call his the Cookie Monster.
Man: Well, by the way you smell you should start calling your cooch Oscar the Grouch

--Times Square

Overheard by: FuzzyWuzzy

Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

--College Walk, Columbia University

Overheard by: King Arthur

Tourist girl #1: You stand in front of me..and you stand in back of me.
Tourist girl #2: Why?
Tourist girl #1: You guys are my stab buffer. I'm just taking the necessary safety precautions.

--Times Square

Girl: Did you just say "jubble"? That can't be a real word.
Guy: It's like, silent onomatopoeia.
Girl: There's no such thing as silent onomatopoeia. The very definition of the word "onomatopoeia" contradicts silence.
Guy: Well, it's like the sound that boobs would make if they made sound. They'd go "jubble, jubble, jubble."
Girl: I'm afraid I'm going to have to smack you now. Seriously.

--13th & 3rd


Teen girl: Hey, I'm a Scientologist.
Tom Cruise: Oh, really? What echelon are you in?
Teen girl: [awkwardly quiet] Uh... number three?
Tom Cruise: Exactly.

--Mission: Impossible III gala premiere, TriBeCa Film Festival, BMCC

Overheard by: mademoiselle schaeffer

Monday, May 08, 2006

He IS Rock and Roll

There are a few poeple who ARE rock and roll. Elvis was one. Slash is one. and Keith Richards is one.

He's 62 and fell out of a coconut tree.

You wish you were Keith. Or at least I do.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Social Distortion Working On New Album

I love this fucking band! Their last album was insanely good. If you don't know Social D do yourself a favor and take a listen.


Social Distortion are already back in the studio preparing to record their follow-up to 2004's "Sex, Love And Rock 'n' Roll". It is scheduled for release in late 2006 or early 2007 via TimeBomb Recordings and will be their first album with new bassist Brent Harding. He is the replacement of John Maurer, who has been a member of the band since their second album "Prison Bound," left before the release of their latest album and was replaced by Operation Ivy/Rancid's Matt Freeman (

Monday, May 01, 2006

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

This week is Quickly Becoming Asshole Week

Monday's asshole: That cloned dog.
Tuesday's asshole: Ricky Williams.
Wednesday's asshole: This Fucktard.

From The Smoking Gun:

Meet Dusten Jacob Williams. The 20-year-old Oregon man was arrested yesterday afternoon for brandishing what appeared to be a handgun outside a school. After parents reported seeing a man pulling the black handgun on pupils in the parking lot of Conestoga Middle School, the school briefly went into lockdown. According to Beaverton cops, Williams pressed the gun into the stomach of one student and pointed the weapon at the school and pulled the trigger before riding off on his skateboard. (Ok, you're 20 and you're riding around on a skateboard? Unless you're Tony Hawk and you're over 17 and still skateboarding, you're a loser)

Williams was apprehended a few blocks away with a BB gun designed to look like a Glock. The unemployed Oregonian (Suprise, suprise. 20, on a skateboard dressed like a Starwars guy and no job? Who'd a thunk it?), who was eventually charged with disorderly conduct, told cops that he was showing the replica gat to friends and probably should not have been doing it outside a school.

Now as for the face paint, apparently the 6' 4" Williams was going for a devil/"Revenge of the Sith" look, surmised one law enforcement official. So what kind of guy parades around in the middle of the day with red and black paint on his face a la Darth Maul? The kind who waves a fake gun around outside a school and then escapes on his waiting skateboard.

Smoke a Joint or Get $3.7 million?

Wrong choice you dumb fuck.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Happy birthday you lab freak!

Snuppy, the first dog cloned from adult cells by somatic nuclear cell transfer, eats a cake at the Seoul National University, April 24, 2006.

Oh by the way, nice name you freak of science.

I heart the Hockey Monkey

Here's a link to the Hockey Monkey song Click it.

I love it.

On other fronts I've been playing crap poker after having two really good weeks, finishing in the money three times. I haven't cashed since. I play twice a week in live games.

I've also been busier than...(fill in the blank in the comments. I'm too busy) Ah ha ha ha....

Friday, April 14, 2006

Dog Porno

Evidently there are some sick fuckers coming here. I checked my stats on Google Analytics and found that after "Vida Guera" "Dog Porno" was the search phrase people used most in 2006 to find me.

I believe in giving people what they want, so here you go you sick fuckers...

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Reality of MySpace

Guns & Roses????

The internet rock rumor mill is swirling out of control regarding Guns N Roses. Here's a summary.

Slash supposedly moved his equipment out of the Velevet Revolver Rehersal studios weeks ago. There have been rumblings that VR is done.

Scott Weiland recently went on stage at a Hollywood club and sang Guns' "It's So Easy". Reports say he looked wasted. Weiland has had a lot of dug troubles inthe past, but was recently living the clean life.

Now there are rumors that there will be an announcement in the near future that Velvet Revolver has broken up and there will a full Guns & Roses reunion tour with the Use Your Illusion lineup...

Would you go see them if this is true?

I would.

Friday, April 07, 2006

It's Friday, So Here's A Joke

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."

Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan

Ha ha ha!

Have a good weekend! Do everything!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Grow me some parts, bitch!

Now that they can grow new parts for people. I can drink, smoke, basically do anything and not have to worry about the ramifications.

On the down side does this mean that people will never die? That would make for a crowded planet.

I always knew it would come down to soylent green.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Wouldn't you be afraid that you'd get kicked in the ass a lot wearing this?

I would.

I was on vacation last week. That's why there were no posts. I actually spent the week building two poker tables.

I had a bunch of friends and neighbors over my house on Saturday for a No Limit Hold em tournament. It was a lot of fun. My mom actually finished second.

I did take a trip down to the Borgata in Atlantic City on Wednesday where I played in a NL Holdem Tourney. I finished 11th out of 70 people. Of course the top 10 got paid.

Oh well.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Freaky Hair, Porno Wine, Driving Dog and a Cyote in Central Park

Nice Hair Phil, ya freak!


Porno star Savanna Samson has produced the wine Sogno Uno which received a 91 (outstanding) rating from wine expert Robert Parker. Wow, what a combintaion. Earth shattering blow jobs and a good wine. She's a keeper!


I wish my dog was race car driver, but he's dumb as a bag of hammers.


I was watching the news last night with my 16 year old daughter and they had this story about how there was a cyote running around in Central Park in NYC. I said, "I wonder how he got there?" My daughter said, "He hopped, skipped and jumped." I though that was funny.