Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I Thought I Liked TV

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Are 20 movie channels on demand just not enough?

Do constant reruns of “I Love the ’80s” on VH1 have you ready to gouge out your eyeballs?

Then come to Al Jessup’s house — where his 5,000-plus radio and television stations from around the world beamed in by his 12 satellite dishes are bound to keep you entertained somehow.

Since 1998, the Beckley resident has amassed a collection of 12 dishes around his James Street home. He said he first just began subscribing to Direct TV and Dish Network, but he later learned that by purchasing special satellite receivers he could receive “free to air” programming from several different satellites swirling the globe. The information on how to adjust a dish and set up a receiver to pick up programming from these stations such as Galaxy 10, AMC 2 and Telestar 5 is included with these receivers.

“Up in the sky, there’s lots of free stuff,” he said.

Over the years, the 54-year-old disabled former ice cream salesman collected more and more dishes so he could pick up more and more “free to air” channels. Neighbors, he said, never complained about his large display of dishes in front of his house. In fact, some of his dishes were hand-me-downs from his neighbors.

The last time he counted, he received more than 5,000 channels. He has stopped counting since.

Now, he picks up local stations from Wyoming, Arkansas, Florida, Louisiana, Tennessee and Ohio, he said. Being a former resident of both Tennessee and New Orleans, he does like to watch the local news from there, just to see what is happening.

“New York, New Hampshire, New Jersey, you name it,” Jessup said. “I get everything but Alaska. But if I pointed something toward Alaska, I’d probably get Alaska.

“... I can scoot one over and see what’s going on in Ohio ... or the U.S. Virgin Islands.”

His Beckley home would likely rival most government communications centers. Not only does he pick up stations from across the country, but across the world as well. He picks up stations from Jordan, Iraq, Iran, Jerusalem and other foreign locations.

“Sometimes they speak English, and sometimes they don’t,” he said. “You never know.

“It’s just interesting to watch stations from far away.”

In his home, Jessup has three television sets, and only one gets the plethora of stations. The other two, he said, just receive his programming from his Direct TV and Dish Network subscriptions.

Because the programming is free, it changes regularly, he noted. Sometimes, a program he likes will disappear and something he dislikes will be put in its place, or vice versa. For example, he once had three ABC stations from Wyoming only to have it reduced to one.

“One day it may be here, the next day it may be gone, the next day it may be back,” he said. “You never know.”

Jessup said some programming includes things he likes, like racing or music, and some of it is, well, “weird.”

Soon, he plans to add a 13th dish to his collection, he said. He may later get a “fancy” satellite dish that is basically like 16 dishes in one. This could eliminate some of the dishes outside his house — or enable him to get even more channels.

“I could point them toward the east where there’s a bunch of satellites running around,” he said. “I don’t know what I would get there.”

Hugh Heffner To Hook Up With Marilyn Monroe For All Eternity

Hugh Hefner, the man behind the most successful adult magazine, 'Playboy', has revealed that he has chosen an ornate vault besides that of the ultimate sex goddess, Marilyn Monroe, as his final resting place.

The 79-year old Hefner said he had chosen to be buried in Los Angeles' Westwood Cemetery and when he foumd that the vault next door to Marilyn Monroe's was available, he thought it would be poetic justic to be buried alongside the woman whom he considers to be "the major sex icon of the 20th century".

"When I found the vault next door to Marilyn was available it seemed natural," Contactmusic quoted him, as saying.

Toys for wasting time

sexy mr. potato head
For all of you who want to go old skool but still keep a foot in the new skool, yo. Here's a link to virtual lite brite.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Sexy Sand

sexy thong butt sand girls
Is it wierd that I'm turned on by these sexy sand sculptures?
It is?
I thought so.
Carry on.

A Case of the Mondays

Ever wake up and want to smash someone's face in? Not a particular someone, just someone.

I'm feeling violent today and it's stupid and selfish.


big boobiesOver the weekend I was driving our other car, my wife's mini van. Yes you can laugh and throw stuff now. But I am Joe suburbs. Any way, it feels wierd like the front wheels are loose on the steering wheel. So I says to Wifey "Hey there's something wrong with this car, the wheels are all loose." She says "It probably just needs an alignment."

The next day, she's driving and says, "Wow, this feels like the wheels are loose!" So now that we both agree it feeels like the wheels are loose, both of our cars are going into the shop. This is starting to feel expensive.

I took the train to work today. It's good to have another option.


horny housewifeI am a NY Ginats fan. (Sorry Eagles Fans {Blonde in particular}). Did anyone see that game yesterday. The Kicker Jay Feely missed three field goals including one from only the 40 and the Giants lost to Seattle in OT 24-21. Exciting but frustrating. Feely had been very good all year and then he just melted down yesterday. Oh Well, Cowboys next week. That game will be for first place.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Shop You Bastards! SHOP!

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I know you're probably all home sleeping off your hangovers induced by over consumption of food and alchohol, but I'm here at work, so you get a black friday post, you lucky bitches!

I don't get the obsession with shopping the day after Thanksgiving. Are there some super sales that I don't know about?? Is everything 50-75% off??? Why else would I go shopping at 5AM??? For a fucking 20% off??? I don't think so.

I heard on the radio yesterday that JC Penny or some such store was opening at 5 this morning. I just don't get it.


My turkey day went well. But I was wondering, what if the food all sucked. I don't thnik it did, and everyone was saying how good everything was, but what are they going to say...So if it does suck then they just have to live with it every year because they all said it was good.


On another front my car broke down on the way home on Wednesday afternoon. I was driving home from work and my RPMs started racing ad the car wasn't shifting into the next gear it would only go like 30-40 MPH and something was really wrong with the transmission I think. Although I know nothing about cars.

I was about 2 miless from the dealer, so I slowly (With my flashers on) made my way there. They told me they can't look at it until Monday at the earliest. Now I've only had this car 2 years. It has 40,000 miles on it. I had brought it in to the dealer back in the spring because there was a recall on the transmission. At that time they told me that mine was fine. If it needs to be replaced, I'm going to raise holly hell and try to get them to do it for free. Otherwise it'll cost a fortune, probably $3-4,000. That would suck!

Oh well, enjoy your weekend.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Let the cooking begin

I get out of work today at 2. Then I have to rush home stop by the liquor store and pick up the beer. We're having 27 this year so there's a lot to be done. It's fun cooking for large groups. I love it all.

Happy and a safe Thanksgiving to all.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

America's Favorite Coke Whore Gets a Gold Star

Kids, stay off the nose candy. Look what it did to the person who recorded the second best album Kurt Cobain ever wrote.

Courtney Love may no longer be America's Sweetheart, but one California judge seems smitten by the rocker.

Love got a gold star from Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Rand Rubin at a progress report hearing on Friday. Rubin agreed to let Love loose from her court-ordered drug rehab stay, allowing her instead to serve out the remainder of her 180-day sentence in a less strict outpatient program.

"You're doing really well," Rubin told the former Hole frontwoman. "I'm really pleased with the reports. I certainly hope you keep up the good progress."

Although Love will be now have more freedom to finish up her sentence for violating probation in three different criminal cases, she will still be under watchful eyes.

Rubin ordered the 41-year-old to submit to random, twice-weekly checks for drugs and alcohol.

Love's get-out-of-rehab pass also means she must avoid bars or nightclubs for the duration of her sentence and continue therapy. She can leave home only under "special circumstances," such as seeing her probation officer or necessary visits to her doctor, per Rubin.

The judge also extended her probation to March 2007 and set a curfew for the former grunge goddess--10 p.m.

Despite all the conditions, Love's discharge pleased her attorney, Howard Weitzman.

"She is moving forward and taking the process very seriously," he told Los Angeles' City News Service. "She hopes this is the beginning of the next chapter in her life."

And how.

Love's sobriety-challenged ways have wreaked havoc on her career and bank account.

She drew Rubin's ire in August when she admitted in court to relapsing at a Hollywood hotel in July. Rubin found her in violation of probation on two misdemeanor drug convictions and one misdemeanor assault case and ordered her to immediately check into rehab program.

At the same time, the woman Love whacked with a whiskey bottle in the latter case launched a lawsuit against the volatile singer. "We think it is time for Ms. Love to take full financial responsibility for her assault," plaintiff's attorney Gloria Allred said upon filing the suit.

And last month, a Seattle law firm hit Love with a $340,000 lawsuit for unpaid legal fees.

Love is due back in court Jan. 20 for another progress report.

This Dog is Cooler Than You

Don't worry, he's cooler than me too. He's got more friends and more mad skills. Check him out.

skateboarding dog

Monday, November 21, 2005

Monday, November 14, 2005

Ten Days To Turkey

sexy turkey
I love Thanksgiving. I love the food and the fun. This year I am cooking for 25. It's going to be crowded, but it will be fun. My cousins and my brother all have small kids so that makes it lots of fun.

I always get a fresh turkey. This year we're getting a turkey and an extra breast because of the size of the crowd. There will be lots of prep done in the days prior and I'm looking forward to all of it.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I Am Surrounded By Stupidity

I just got of the phone with a vendor of mine who was confused. I had asked for some information for several time periods: the past twelve months which we call 0-12 months, the twelve months before that 13-24 months, and the twelve months before that 25-36 months.

She said to me "I don't know what you mean by 0-12 months". This is pretty basic terminology in our industry. She's not new. She's been there for years. So I had to explain that I wanted the information from October 2004 through November 2005.

What the fuck?!?! I don't have time for this.

This is why I can never get anything done, because I have to to all the thinking for everyone who works for me.

Is It Wrong To Love Cofee?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Homer Simpson's Words of Wisdom

Ah, beer. The source of and the solution to all of my problems.

Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually!

Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything!

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car!

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone.

Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love...

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England!

Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close!

Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they shoot bees at you?

You're saying butt-kisser like it's a bad thing!

Well, let's just call them, uh, Mr. X and Mrs. Y. So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'

I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight!

Apu, you got any Skittle Brau? Never mind, just give me some Duff and a pack of Skittles.

You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel.

Mmmmmm - 52 slices of American cheese.

Hey, I asked for ketchup - I'm eatin' salad here!

When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, you know like that movie... "Spaceballs". But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy".

I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie, and one to listen.

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!

I'm trying to fix your mother's camera. Easy, easy - Hmmm. I think I need a bigger drill.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. Like this Bible. It cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy.

Here's to alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

God bless those pagans.

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night!

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.

I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one.

Woo hoo! 350 dollars! Now I can buy 70 transcripts of Nightline!

Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that.

You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

I hope I didn't brain my damage!

We'll die together, like a father and son should.

Let us celebrate this agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

We're gonna get a new TV. Twenty-one inch screen, realistic flesh tones, and a little cart so we can wheel it into the dining room on holidays!

First you don't want me to get the pony, then you want me to take it back. Make up your mind!

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and... um... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer.

Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden.

Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

You can't go wrong with cocktail weenies. They look as good as they taste. And they come in this delicious red sauce. It looks like ketchup, it tastes like ketchup, but brother, it ain't ketchup!

I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun!

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!

Oh, they have Internet on computers now.

Marge I swear, I never thought that you would find out.

Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!

I am so smart, I am so smart, S M R T, I mean S M A R T.

I'm not gonna lie to you, Marge. See ya soon!

My Life Is So Exciting

I'm going to a preview party at a newly renovated grocery store. I'm doin it for work. Don't you wish you were me?

Monday, November 07, 2005

Drinking, More or Less

This past week I decided to conciously not drink.

My usual drinking pattern is like this. I drink 5-7 beers each night from Thursday through Sunday. Usually while playing video games or online poker. So this past week, with a refrigerator full of Coronas and a new beer I found called Purple Haze, I didn't drink Thursday, Friday or Saturday.

Well I got to bowling on Sunday night and I tell my friend El Diablo I'm not drinking. Usually one of us buys a round of beers (cups of Coors Light) and then the other buys the next round etc. Well he goes an buys the first four.

I didn't drink any for the first game and I bowled like crap. So I had a beer and then another and ended up aving about 6 cups. But I have more fun bowling when I've had a few. ONe game I even got 6 strikes in a row...

After bowling, the wife, Diablo and I went across the street to Outback for dinner. Diablo's wife was angry that went out when she wasn't there. (She had an operation on her foot so she wasn't at bowling).

At Outback I had a margarita nd another beer. Needless to say Wifey drove home.

This morning I felt like crap.

Nice! Thinning the herd.

Three die playing catch with grenade

BANJA LUKA, Bosnia (Reuters) - A hand grenade being used instead of a ball in a game of catch exploded early on Saturday killing three youths in this Bosnian town, police and news agencies said.

Two youths aged 19 and 20, one of them from neighboring Croatia, were killed instantly while a 20-year-old woman died on her way to hospital, police said. Her sister was slightly injured but two other youths suffered serious injuries.

The blast occurred at 2:00 a.m. in the western town of Novi Grad at a place in the town center frequented by youngsters. Police said an inquiry was under way and declined further comment. It was not clear why the grenade exploded.

ONASA news agency quoted witnesses as saying the youths tossed the hand grenade to each other before it exploded in the hands of one of them.

Bosnia is awash with illegal weapons left over from the 1992-95 war and tragic incidents are frequent despite several successful campaigns by international peacekeepers and police to get people to hand over illegal weapons.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Lycos top 50

I'm going to post this stuff from the Lycos top 50 and see if it has any effect on my traffic. I'm like a mad internet scientist. I'm going to do this clean one this week and next week I'm going to do a super dirty one and see which draws more people...

I don't even know what half this stuff or people is/are...

Halloween All Saints Day, Pumpkin Carving Extreme Gutters, Poker Roulette, Paris Hilton Simple Wife, Halloween Costumes Fanta Girls, Pam Anderson Top of Decade, Janet Jackson Baby & Sunbathing, KaZaA Music Theft, Britney Spears Pics Leaked, Christmas Deck Halls, Thanksgiving Nov. 24, NFL Pigskin Plays, Dragonball Budokai Tenkaichi, Neopets Virtual World, Taxes I.R.S., WWE Steve Austin, Naruto Ninja-Anime, Harry Potter Salem Visit, Pokemon Dynasty, Golf Michelle Wie, Jennifer Lopez El Cantante, Baseball Scott Podsednik, Limewire Music Theft, Jessica Simpson Love Woes, Hilary Duff 18th Birthday, Fall Out Boy Punk-Pop Pinups, Final Fantasy Cristal Chronicles, 50 Cent Get Rich or Die Tryin, Hurricane Wilma Beta, NBA Sheryl Swoopes, Mariah Carey Mimi Lives, Inuyasha Feudal Combat, Smallville Vampire Lana, Pretty Ricky Boy Band, Tupac Shakur Biggie Duet, Trish Stratus Defeated Torrie, Star Wars III DVD Release, Avril Lavigne Punk Princess, Barbie Doll Adult Clothes, Clay Aiken Moves NC, Lindsay Lohan Robert F. Kennedy, Torrie Wilson Loses Title, Yu-Gi-Oh! Nightmare Troubadour, Carmen Electra Burlesque at Home, Eminem New Kids Slur, NASCAR Speed Racer, Shakira Oral Fixation, Rosa Parks Capitol Rotunda, Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt, Bow Wow Ciara

My Scrabble Score

Pholph's Scrabble Generator

My Scrabble© Score is: 17.
What is your score? Get it here.

Am I Becoming a Pop Tart???

I can't get two top forty songs out of my head lately and that pop brain washing continued this morning. I was getting ready for work and I saw the videos on VH1 back to back. What are these omnipresent foot tappers you ask? Well they could be no two songs other than Gold Digger By Kanye West and My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas.

Yes, I do love your lady lumps...

Thursday, November 03, 2005

I'm as Busy as a One Legged Man in An Ass Kicking Contest

So this is all you get for now. I know it's lame but I'm busy DAMMIT!