Wednesday, April 26, 2006

This week is Quickly Becoming Asshole Week

Monday's asshole: That cloned dog.
Tuesday's asshole: Ricky Williams.
Wednesday's asshole: This Fucktard.

From The Smoking Gun:

Meet Dusten Jacob Williams. The 20-year-old Oregon man was arrested yesterday afternoon for brandishing what appeared to be a handgun outside a school. After parents reported seeing a man pulling the black handgun on pupils in the parking lot of Conestoga Middle School, the school briefly went into lockdown. According to Beaverton cops, Williams pressed the gun into the stomach of one student and pointed the weapon at the school and pulled the trigger before riding off on his skateboard. (Ok, you're 20 and you're riding around on a skateboard? Unless you're Tony Hawk and you're over 17 and still skateboarding, you're a loser)

Williams was apprehended a few blocks away with a BB gun designed to look like a Glock. The unemployed Oregonian (Suprise, suprise. 20, on a skateboard dressed like a Starwars guy and no job? Who'd a thunk it?), who was eventually charged with disorderly conduct, told cops that he was showing the replica gat to friends and probably should not have been doing it outside a school.

Now as for the face paint, apparently the 6' 4" Williams was going for a devil/"Revenge of the Sith" look, surmised one law enforcement official. So what kind of guy parades around in the middle of the day with red and black paint on his face a la Darth Maul? The kind who waves a fake gun around outside a school and then escapes on his waiting skateboard.

Smoke a Joint or Get $3.7 million?

Wrong choice you dumb fuck.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Happy birthday you lab freak!

Snuppy, the first dog cloned from adult cells by somatic nuclear cell transfer, eats a cake at the Seoul National University, April 24, 2006.

Oh by the way, nice name you freak of science.

I heart the Hockey Monkey

Here's a link to the Hockey Monkey song Click it.

I love it.

On other fronts I've been playing crap poker after having two really good weeks, finishing in the money three times. I haven't cashed since. I play twice a week in live games.

I've also been busier than...(fill in the blank in the comments. I'm too busy) Ah ha ha ha....

Friday, April 14, 2006

Dog Porno

Evidently there are some sick fuckers coming here. I checked my stats on Google Analytics and found that after "Vida Guera" "Dog Porno" was the search phrase people used most in 2006 to find me.

I believe in giving people what they want, so here you go you sick fuckers...

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The Reality of MySpace

Guns & Roses????

The internet rock rumor mill is swirling out of control regarding Guns N Roses. Here's a summary.

Slash supposedly moved his equipment out of the Velevet Revolver Rehersal studios weeks ago. There have been rumblings that VR is done.

Scott Weiland recently went on stage at a Hollywood club and sang Guns' "It's So Easy". Reports say he looked wasted. Weiland has had a lot of dug troubles inthe past, but was recently living the clean life.

Now there are rumors that there will be an announcement in the near future that Velvet Revolver has broken up and there will a full Guns & Roses reunion tour with the Use Your Illusion lineup...

Would you go see them if this is true?

I would.

Friday, April 07, 2006

It's Friday, So Here's A Joke

One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."

Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan

Ha ha ha!

Have a good weekend! Do everything!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Grow me some parts, bitch!

Now that they can grow new parts for people. I can drink, smoke, basically do anything and not have to worry about the ramifications.

On the down side does this mean that people will never die? That would make for a crowded planet.

I always knew it would come down to soylent green.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Wouldn't you be afraid that you'd get kicked in the ass a lot wearing this?

I would.

I was on vacation last week. That's why there were no posts. I actually spent the week building two poker tables.

I had a bunch of friends and neighbors over my house on Saturday for a No Limit Hold em tournament. It was a lot of fun. My mom actually finished second.

I did take a trip down to the Borgata in Atlantic City on Wednesday where I played in a NL Holdem Tourney. I finished 11th out of 70 people. Of course the top 10 got paid.

Oh well.