The Meaning Of LIfe

Yum, Yum, Yum

What's The Last (Or Next) Concert You've Seen

I'm taking my 13 year old son to see Avenged Sevenfold this friday at The Starland Ballroom in Sayerville NJ.

The band is kind of metal punk. If you listen to rock radio you may have heard their song Bat Country. They're not one of my favorites, but he likes them a lot.

The plus for me is seeing another show at The Starland Ballroom. It's basically a club here in Jersey that has a lot of Second tier acts and also some top tier bands as well.

I've seen a lot of concerts in my life, but mostly arena shows in the 80's and 90's. Having my kids be 16 & 13, and them wanting to see bands has gotten me back into seeing rock shows again. And now I realize how much better is it to see shows at smaller venues.

It's so much better in the clubs. It's not even close. And we're pretty lucky that we have a venue here where we do get to see a lot of up and comming bands and I nice selection of national acts.

The best club show I ever saw was Stevie Ray Vaughn in the Stone Pony here in Jersey at the shore. I saw him a couple of monts beofre he died. That motherfucker could play the guitar!

What's the last show you saw or what's the next one you're going to see?

Ghetto Skank Fest

Have you seen it? It's on VH1 and it's called Flavor of Love. A whole gaggle of the skankiest women competing for the "love" of a washed up rapper from the 80's.

If you think The Bachelor is degrading to women, check out this fiasco. It's train wreck TV at it's worst.

Does anyone think Flavor Flav is good looking, smart or has a good personallity? There's no way this dude has any money left. PE was one of the best if not THE best rap groups out there and did very well back in the day. But they never crossed over like the rappers do today. And no crossover means no huge money. Plus, didn't he have a huge drug habbit? That's usually not so beneficial to the bank account.

The skanks are going to be suprised when they relaize the vault is empty.

New Rules, Bitches!

I never really liked Bill Maher in the past. But I've been wathcing his HBO show which is quite interesting because they mix up the panel politcally, and discuss the issues of the day. I've also found that he can be pretty funny. Someone posted these as George Carlin's, but they're Maher's:


New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.


New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?


New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.


New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.


New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.


New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.


New Rule: Stop fucking with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.


New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ass hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge ass hole.


New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.


New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.


New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."


New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.


New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.


New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white folk's version of looting.


New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants.

After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.


New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

I'm All For Dirty Sex Stories Online

I'm all for dirty sex stories online.

But when they involve the Sims, that just seems creepy.

Check out the hot computer generated action.

How To Get Tossed From Disney World

Yes, those are their boobs.

I'm A Freakin' COUGAR! Yeah Baby!

You Were a Cougar

You are a great leader who has dominance without ego. You are wickedly cunning and off the scale confident.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Alanis Kissed Girls

Alanis Morisette. I don't think of her as tradionally beautiful. But I've always thought she was hot. Maybe it's because she'll go down on you in a theatre. Maybe it's cause her first single was so angry. I always thought she was a hippie girl who was wild in the sheets. Turns out, I was right.

Alanis Morissette may be engaged to Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds, but that doesn't mean she didn't experiment with women during her teens and twenties. In a recent interview with Out magazine, Morissette revealed that although she considers herself heterosexual, she has been involved with women in the past, saying "I had my years of experimentation, which were very lovely and I'll highly recommend to anyone. I think it's such a beautiful rite of passage to test the waters and get a general sense of who you are and what your preferences are."

Ewwww, Cunty.

This is Alexis Stewart, Martha's daughter. She was on Howard Stern's Sirius show the other day. She told a story how she and another girl were in a car once and another woman crossed the street in front of the car. Alexis said to her friend, referring to the woman, "Ewwww Cunty."

Of course now Howard and crew have isolated her saying that and they drop it in as sound effect. I laugh every time I hear it.

I thought girls hated the word Cunt.

What Is It?

Take a guess. Answer on Monday. (Only losers blog on the weekend.)

Wilson Pickett

Last night I was online checking news and email and saw that Wilson Pickett died. I IMed a friend and told him and he said "What is he a baseball player?". Shame on you. You're a 6 on a collness scale of 1-100.

Do yourselves a favor kids, listen to some Wilson Pickett. He was a guy who didn't need 100 curses and other peoples' riffs to make a great song. He is one of the funkiest riffmasters ever.

Leif Falls Again

THEN...............&..............NOW

Why do I write about Leif Garrett? He's a couple of years older than me, but back in the seventies and now we could be twins. Although he wears a lot of do-rags and hats now so he may be bald on top, but i still have a full head of hair.

It's wierd because in the 70's I knew that we looked alike, and then I forgot about it until a few years ago when I saw his Behind The Music. I was like "Wow! He still looks like me. We both had goatees and he was wearing the exact same green wrap around Oakley sunglasses that I had at the time. Freaky!

The difference between us is, I wasn't doing coke at Studio 54 and getting laid like crazy in the 70's, and I'm not getting arrested for doing heroin and spending time in the clink. I'd choose my life over his any day of the week.

*************

LOS ANGELES -
Leif Garrett, a 1970s singing teen idol, was charged Wednesday with possessing heroin after he was arrested for allegedly trying to ride the subway without a ticket.

Garrett, 44, also was charged with fare evasion.

If convicted, he probably would avoid jail time under a law that sends some convicted drug users to treatment, authorities said.

An e-mail seeking comment from a spokeswoman listed on Garrett's Web site was not immediately returned.

Garrett was arrested by Los Angeles County sheriff's deputies Saturday evening on the platform of the Pershing Square Red Line station downtown for allegedly not having a ticket to ride the train.

Deputies then allegedly found suspected narcotics on the musician-actor, officials said.

He was held without bail for allegedly violating terms of his probation for a previous drug offense. He pleaded guilty in March to attempted possession of cocaine-based narcotics and was placed on probation.

Garrett has appeared in three-dozen films, mostly in the 1970s and 1980s, and has released 10 music albums.

In 1979, he rear-ended another car while driving a Porsche, leaving his passenger disabled.

Is it Possible That I Might Actually Be Able To Play Poker Well?

I played in NL Holdem Tourney on Party Poker last night and finished in the money for the first time. I've won single table Sit N Go's many times, but never cashed in a big multi table tournament before.

This one was $10+$1 and there were about 2,300 entrants. I finished somewhere in the 180's reaping a HUGE payout of $20.90.

I was playing very tight and only going with premium hands, except around the bubble where I was stealing blinds left and right.

I'm sure I could have finished higher, but it was 11:30, I was getting tired and needed to go to bed so I could get up this morning. So I pushed a few times and got lucky once and not so lucky twice.

Anyway, I think I realized that if I really tighten up, I can go pretty far in these things. I'm going to take a few shots at the Party V Million Cruise. The NL qualifier is on Fridays, and you can get in throught the $20 SNGs. So I'll try a few of those this week.

**********************

I've been real busy at work lately, so not much time to screw around here in blogger land. Hope everyone is happy and healthy!

Maiden And Priest Were The Guys That We Praised

VH1 to air the "The Story of Metal"

A Chronicle of the Devil's Music

Metal is rock's untamed wild child. Metal is rude, crude, irreverent and irrepressibly loud. Metal is rock and roll just as it's supposed to be, which is why everyone from Black Sabbath to Iron Maiden to Motley Crue to Slayer to Slipknot, have been hated by critics, feared by parents, attacked by politicians, and blamed for most of the world's ills. So how did a combination of the devil and decibels become such an irresistible lure to generations of metal fans around the world?

What Ken Burns did for jazz, VH1 does for heavy metal -- only a lot louder. "Heavy: The Story of Metal," premiering Monday -- Thursday, May 1-4 at 9PM* each night traces the evolution of heavy metal music and culture, from its dark, grim beginnings in Birmingham, England to the worldwide force that it remains to this day.

In a series of four themed hours, "Heavy: The Story of Metal," explores four decades of music, each hour examining this powerful and often misunderstood genre, from metal's pioneers to its love of glam and excess; from the fight for metal's rebellious soul to its storied flirtation with the devil:

Episode One traces metal's roots in the late-60's in the bombed-out industrial town of Birmingham England to the spectacular rise of Kiss and "glam metal" in the early 70's.

Episode Two examines metal's growing pains during the 70's when both high-brow rock critics and punk rock threatened its very existence. By decade's end, bands such as Iron Maiden, Judas Priest and Def Leppard gave birth to what became known as "The New Wave of British Heavy Metal."

Episode Three sees metal thrive in, of all places, sunny California. Van Halen, Poison, Motley Crue -- it's the world of hair metal. And, keeping everyone's Jacuzzi-soaked ego in check, a little film called Spinal Tap emerges.

Episode Four takes a walk on the dark side: Guns N' Roses, Metallica, thrash, grunge, and how the music and images of Marilyn Manson became associated with the Columbine massacre.

Told from the perspective of the musicians, promoters, writers and fans who have kept metal's flame alive for four decades, "Heavy: The Story of Metal," contains revealing, hilarious and sometimes shocking conversations.

Interviews include Sebastian Bach, Jerry Cantrell, Phil Collen, Bruce Dickinson, Fred Durst, Ace Frehley, Rob Halford, Scott Ian, Tony Iommi, Chris Jericho, Lemmy Kilmister, Chuck Klosterman, Jani Lane, Tommy Lee, Doc McGhee, Bret Michaels, Dave Mustaine, Vinnie Paul, Mark Putnam, Riki Rachtman, Dave "Snake" Sabo, Nikki Sixx, Slash, Dee Snider, Geoff Tate, Eddie Trunk, Rob Zombie and more.

BUCK, BUCK, WHAT?????

Elijah FUCKING Wood is going to play IGGY FUCKING POP????????

I surrender!

Does this look like Iggy Pop, master of shock rock, founding father of punk, to you??? Or does he LOOK LIKE THE FUCKING HOBBIT HE PLAYED??????

Elijah Wood, that weepy-looking hobbit of Lord of the Rings fame, is set to play Iggy Pop in an upcoming biopic about the rocker's life and career. Wood has stated: "I'm scared to death of doing it, because I love him (Iggy Pop) so much and I respect the music so much. I don't want to be the person responsible for screwing that up." Turn down the role?

Iggy himself has refused to take part in the production, claiming the script is well-written but that he wants no subjective part in the film.

Hollywood Ate Lindsay Lohan's Soul, And Evidently Her Eyes As Well

Is it just me or does this pic of Lindsay Lohan look like she has no eyes? We know she has no soul, but have her eyes been eaten by Hollywood as well?

This is just sad.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Lindsay Lohan is "appalled" by the Vanity Fair article released last week in which she confessed to dabbling in drugs and battling bulimia.

The Vanity Fair story, which hit newsstands nationally Tuesday and was widely reported last week, made headlines for the 19-year-old actress' acknowledgment that she dabbled in drugs "a little."

The magazine also quoted Lohan on her drastic weight loss last year: "I was making myself sick," she said. The article, written by Evgenia Peretz, noted Lohan was "referring to bulimic episodes."

Lohan also said, "I knew I had a problem and I couldn't admit it." (Watch what Lohan said about her too-thin arms -- 4:00)

However, in a statement released Tuesday to Teen People magazine, Lohan denied having bulimia and said, "The words that I gave to the writer for Vanity Fair were misused and misconstrued, and I'm appalled with the way it was done."

An editor for Teen People said Lohan's denial was regarding Vanity Fair's reporting of her alleged bulimia, not drug use.

$50,000 A Night Suite

There's a suite at the Palms in Las Vegas that cost $50,000 per night. It comes with a bowling alley and a shower with a stripper pole.

Some people officially have too much money.

I surrender.

Stolen Meme

I stole this from Republic of Dogs. I hope the dogs don't hate me because of my thievery.

I don't know what "meme" means, and I'm usually too lazy to do these. But I've been posting a lot of crap lately so let the crapfest continue.

Boobies, boobies.

The Meme of Seven: Delusional, obsessive, and potential stalker edition

Seven things to do before I die:

1. Go to Hawaii.
2. Own a Les Paul and a Telecaster.
3. Start my own business.
4. Live in a state other than NJ.
5. Take another cruise.
6. Start a new band.
7. Play in The World Series of Poker.

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Fix anything mechanical.
2. Surf.
3. Understand how Religious people want to kill.
4. Admit failure.
5. Say no when someone offers me a beer.
6. Be friends with a woman without wanting to have sex with her.
7. Ride a Skateboard.

Seven things I say most often:

1. "Nice"
2. "Grab me a beer"
3. "You spent what?"
4. "I hate you, dog"
5. "Everything is ok"
6. "Fuck, that hurt"
7. "Do your job"

Seven books I love:

1. The Phone Book
2. Madden 2006 Strategy Guide
3. 1984
4. Catcher In The Rye
5. Carrie
6. The Shining
7. Learning PHP/MySQL

Seven Movies I Watch Over and Over:

1. Pulp Fiction
2. The Godfather
3. Caddy Shack
4. Lost In Translation
5. Animal House
6. Jaws
7. Planet Of The Apes

Seven Songs I Play Over and Over Again:

1. Jesus of Suburbia -- Green Day
2. Don't Take Me For Granted -- Social Distortion
3. Sonic Reducer -- Dead Boys
4. Evenflow (one of the many live versions) -- Pearl Jam
5. Alive (Live Version) -- Pearl Jam
6. The Rover -- Led Zeppelin
7. Gimmie Shelter -- The Rolling Stones

Seven things that attract me to...blogging:

1. Annonimity.
2. The chance to try and be funny.
3. Cool people.
4. I'm a bit of a geek anyway.
5. It's good to find like minded people in other places.
6. Music.
7. I like to read.

The Next Big TV Trend, Cat Weight Loss Shows

You've cried with the biggest losers. You've sweated with celebrity fit club. Get ready to watch the next weight loss tv phenomenom...Cat weight loss. It's Phat, Yo!

Sisters of Mercy Return

The Sisters of Mercy will make their first North American concert appearances since 1999 with a run of shows beginning in mid-February.

The goth-rock pioneers--who have gone through almost as many lineup changes as Spinal Tap--will kick off their return to the States with a Feb. 16 in Las Vegas. The tour will last slightly more than a month and the band will hit 15 cities on the outing, including two Canadian dates.

The Sisters of Mercy were formed in Leeds, England in 1980 and went on to become one of the most successful goth-themed acts of that decade. The band released three albums, the last, "Vision Thing," coming in 1990. The group--now down one remaining original member in co-founder and lead singer Andrew Eldritch--continued to play live shows for most of the '90s and this decade, even without benefit of new recorded material.

Eldritch, who has a long history of feuding with various record labels, has recently discussed the possibility of new Sisters material being released, but has set no timetable for the idea. "New and hence unreleased songs make up half of any live Sisters set these days, although the classics get a good thrashing in rotation," Eldritch said on the band's website.

The current lineup of the band consists of Eldritch, Chris Catalyst (guitar,) Adam Pearson (guitar/vocals) and a drum machine named "Doktor Avalanche." This was the same name given to the drum machine that accompanied Eldritch and the band's other co-founder Gary Marx in the early years of the group.

Guitarist Pearson has also appeared recently playing live shows with the reunited MC5.

Weezer On Hiatus

Contrary to Web rumors, Weezer isn't breaking up -- it's just going on hiatus once more.

The band’s front man, Rivers Cuomo, will once again lay down the mantle of geek-rock front man for that of geek-geek student at Harvard University. Cuomo has attended the college on and off, between Weezer’s active periods.

Although the hiatus is scheduled to begin this month as Cuomo returns to college, the act proclaims it won’t totally fade into the woodwork, as it did when Cuomo was originally admitted to Harvard in 1997.

“It’s not going to be entirely quiet around the Weezer hood, not by a long shot,” the band posted on its Web site. “Everyone is planning on writing music, and indeed a good deal of songs have been already created while the band was still on tour this fall. Pat's even building a new home studio to better work on music. Also Brian and Pat are going to be recording a cover version of The Velvet Underground's "Heroin" and will actually be appearing in the in-production film "Factory Girl" about the 60's Andy Warhol scene, performing the song.”

I For One Welcome Our New Black Bear Overloards

In their first step to controlling and eventually taking over the world, Black Bears in Korea have started putting all the children into easy to seal sensible plastic containers. These are the first steps in the Bears' Countdown to Domination plan.

And I thought it would be the Monkey Butlers who would rule the world! I better change my blog name!

Slash ♥'s Axl

Philadelphia's WMMR radio has posted a podcast of the now famous interview Matt Cord conducted with Slash where he said that he heard that the long awaited Guns N' Roses album 'Chinese Democracy' would be released in March. In the interview Slash had nothing but positive things to say about his former bandmate Axl Rose and dispelled some rumors and media reports about a feud between him and Rose. In fact, he said that he has not spoken to Axl for about 10 years and also commented on the mistruths spread in the media. "I think the whole media scene has gotten to the point of being really over the top. Constantly making stuff up… it generates an audience," Slash said. "It's always based on negative stuff.. you find anything really juicy going on that's actually positive. It goes in one ear and out the other but if it's something, talk about dirty laundry then that sticks. They generate a lot of interest in that. It's sort of sad in a way. It's gotten to be really out of hand in this millennium".

Slash also dismissed claims that Axl was the one that had him barred from a Guns N' Roses New Year's Eve show in Las Vegas a few years ago, saying that he heard it was the building management that made the call. He also laughed off reports about Axl's reported cosmetic enhancements.

Is It REALLY The Misfits Without Glen Danzig?

According to a posting on MISFITS' official web site, there is talk of some live MISFITS material from some of the highly acclaimed shows Jerry Only (vocals, bass), Dez Cadena (drums; ex-BLACK FLAG) and Robo (drums) delivered in 2005 possibly hitting the streets later this year. In addition, the band plan to return to the studio in 2006 to deliver "the hardest, most aggressive MISFITS material to see the pressing plant since 'Earth A.D.'!"

MISFITS will be embarking on a Mexican/South American tour beginning in late January.

Johnny Rotten is the new David Lee Roth

Sid must be rolling over in his grave.

Modern Rocker XTRA (91X) in San Diego has a new on-air ambassador for the station - John Lydon, a.k.a. “Johnny Rotten,” of the Sex Pistols

He will become the new voice of 91X and share “Rotten Moments,” with the audience. “I am pleased and pleasantly surprised that 91X -- which used to be a stunningly good radio station -- is now going to be a stunningly good radio station once again,” Rotten says. “I’ve had good bleedin’ memories with (91X) and I’m telling you, it just might have a chance to be as good as it once was.”

Rotten is another in a string of recent on air changes that have seen former market vet Marco Collins return as MD/afternoons, Kallao inserted into nights, the return of the long-running San Diego institution “Music Without Boundaries,” hosted by Kenny Weisberg, on Saturday mornings (7 a.m.-9 a.m.).

"These changes are designed to demonstrate that 91X is fully committed to becoming a great station for San Diego once again," said 91X VP/Programming Kevin Stapleford. "Since we are newly independent, we have the ability to really mix things up--and that's what we're going to do."

91X will kickstart the new year with a free 21-and-over concert on January 29 at Brick by Brick featuring up-and-coming U.K. artist Hard-Fi.

Red Hot Chili Peppers to release a double album soon

The Red Hot Chili Peppers have revealed some more details about their anticipated new record, Stadium Arcadium. According to an e-mail sent to fans today, the veteran Rock band's new release will be a double album, the first of their career. Some of the new song titles include "Dani California," "Hard To Concentrate," "Desecration Smile," "Charlie," "Snow" and the title cut. Singer Anthony Keidis described the new album to Q magazine as "heavy, but it's emotionally heavy with lots of beautiful melodies."

What Is This?

Take a guess. The answer will be revealed tomorrow.

Watch Your Step

Or I'll xray your ass.